The reason for "the beetle"

For anyone wondering where the nickname "Beetle" came from, here is the story...

The name was born the day I found out I was pregnant. It had been about 3 months since our miscarriage and the first month my Dr gave us the ok to try again. I woke up one morning and just felt different. I wasn't nauseous, I wasn't late; I just felt different. I remembered I had a pregnancy test in my dresser drawer that was left over from the first pregnancy (they come in packs of 3). And after thinking about it for a while I decided to take the test.

About 2 minutes later I was sitting on the side of my bed, holding a positive pregnancy test. So many emotions were running through me at this very moment. First and foremost I was excited and so happy. I had a smile that just wouldn't leave my face.

But underneath my smile was also an overwhelming sense of fear, a "here we go again" feeling. Should I be so happy? Am I going to get my heart broken all over again?

I even started crying. Crying out of happiness, out of the loss that was still raw and the fear of it happening all over again.

I must have carried that test around with me for the next 10 minutes just staring at it. "There's still 2 lines, I'm definitely pregnant!" How was I going to tell Brian? Should I call him? Wait? I needed to clear my head so I sat the test down on my dresser, walked away from it, and turned on the shower. I didn't even make it into the shower before I was walking right back to it for another look. (there is just something so fascinating about a positive pregnancy test) haha

When I returned to my dresser the test was there, but it wasn't alone. Sitting on top was a little red and black spotted lady bug. I couldn't believe it. Mom always told me ladybugs are good luck and if one lands on you its a good thing! I couldn't move. I just sat there starring at it. Never had I ever seen a ladybug in my bedroom, much less the rest of my house!! It was as if my guardian angel, Bailey's little soul or God himself was telling me everything is going to be ok, this is going to work out.

From that moment on I let go of most of my fear (you'll never be without fear when you decide to be a parent!). I put my trust in this little beetle bug that decided to join me on my day of celebration, and smiled without hesitation.